can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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