he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
