there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just found a bag of teeth...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
