can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
