Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
