he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
