i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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