Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
