Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
