Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
