went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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