I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you had me at cake vodka
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
