i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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