Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
