you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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