It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize