Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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