So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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