dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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