She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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