My hand turned me down
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
