So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
