dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
