I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
