I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
