I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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