We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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