omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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