I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
