Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Congratulations! We have a period
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