I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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