HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
