I bet he comes in French.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
