i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
