Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
