Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
