My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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