my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
