it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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