About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i drank out of a bidet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
