was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
