what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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