Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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