I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
