after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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