fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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