u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
