I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
