I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
