You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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