I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
