Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
