I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
