The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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