Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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