I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
