is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
