The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
