ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize