If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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