Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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