if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize